


I Want You

by Qpi



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, I Don't Even Know, I wrote this while listening to Mitski, M/M, Phone Calls & Telephones, can be read as platonic, if you’re wondering why this turned out like it is, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 00:47:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28573245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qpi/pseuds/Qpi
Summary: Leorio’s not quite sure how his life ended up like this. He tells himself it’s not something he could have predicted, or changed, for that matter. It’s easier like that. It’s frighteningly easy to believe lies if you’re the one telling them.
Relationships: Kurapika & Leorio Paladiknight, Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight
Kudos: 13





	I Want You

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I don’t know why I wrote this! I blame Mitski’s music, because it’s way too fucking good. 
> 
> “You're in the house  
> And I am here in the car  
> 'Cause I just need a quiet place  
> Where I can scream  
> How I love you”  
> — I Want You by Mitski

Leorio’s not quite sure how his life ended up like this. He tells himself it’s not something he could have predicted, or changed, for that matter. It’s easier like that. It’s frighteningly easy to believe lies if you’re the one telling them.  
It doesn’t hit him like a brick wall. He supposes it didn’t truly collapse like one either. It crumbled down slowly, eroded by wind and rain and sun. Maybe, if he tried hard enough, Leorio could pinpoint the exact moment it all started to fall apart. Analyze the point of no return down to the millisecond. But he’s never been a hard thinker.

No, if Leorio had to pick a point of collapse, he’d say it all went wrong with the call. Or lack thereof.  
——-

Fall smells like cold wind whipping through the pathways between campus buildings, and half empty cups of coffee piled on his desk. It’s red and yellow leaves crunching underfoot, and long nights that only get longer.  
The soft red leaves remind him of Kurapika. Sure, his eyes were red, but that wasn’t really it, was it? There was something warm about him, something sad and soft and scarlet. God, he sounded like a lovesick fool.  
He’d probably just a bit too much to drink. He hadn’t gotten enough sleep. He definitely shouldn’t have called Kurapika.  
He didn’t answer. Of course.  
Leorio still isn’t sure if voicemail is the best or worst invention ever.

The collapse goes a little something like this.

“You’re kind of a dick, you know that? Would it kill you to answer the phone once in awhile? You’re so goddamn selfish. You think you’re protecting me— all of us— or some shit, but you’re not. It’s not fucking helping anyone. You’re afraid of what you’re doing. You’re afraid of what it could do to us— to yourself.   
You’re so afraid of losing — something! God, I don’t know! Don’t you think I’m just as afraid?! You’re not a ghost, Kurapika. You can’t just disappear! You leave things behind— people! You can’t go through life expecting not to affect anything.  
You can’t just show up on my doorstep with a bleeding wound. You can’t vanish an hour later. You can’t turn yourself into a ghost, no matter how much you want to be one.”  
But he can, can’t he? Maybe he knows it. Maybe he already knows everything Leorio’s said. It doesn’t matter.  
He knows that he can turn up at 3 am with a bleeding arm and Leorio will grab a suture kit. He knows that he can turn up at 7 pm, and Leorio will heat up leftovers for him. He knows that no matter how many weeks go by, he can knock on the door and Leorio will be there. No matter how much it hurts the both of them.  
Maybe Kurapika’s a bad person for this. Maybe Leorio doesn’t care.  
How could he?   
There’s a card he could play. He won’t, though. He’s not that cruel.  
Leorio won’t tell Kurapika that he loves him. He can’t bring himself to.  
Maybe Kurapika will end up destroying himself in pursuit of his goal. Maybe Leorio would let him. Can you love someone enough to let them tear themselves apart?  
Because god, does Leorio know that he might.

Sometimes, he thinks Kurapika is trying to destroy himself. Maybe it would be easier for him, to be a ghost. To feel whole, for once. A graveyard finally full.  
———-

Maybe Leorio leaves 5 messages after that. Maybe Kurapika plays them all. Maybe it all turns out okay. Maybe it doesn’t.  
Leorio’s had a lifetime of maybes. He can handle a few more.


End file.
